Insecurities

Everyone has insecurities.

We all go through life attempting to figure out how best to deal with the parts about ourselves that we do not like because we seem to be busy striving for this unrealistic idealisation of perfection that doesn’t even exist. We are so adamant to compare our real life to other people’s highlights. We see all these beautiful people and compare ourselves to them, forgetting about the filters, good lighting and editing apps that were probably used. We stand 2 inches from our mirrors and criticise all our imperfections and then Google ways to remedy them or watch make up gurus on YouTube on how best to hide them.

So this is my tale on how I overcame one of my biggest insecurities: scars.

This post is a. to remind myself; b. in case its helpful to anyone else.

About a year ago, I used a cream which I developed an allergic reaction to causing half of my face to break out and the spots scarred into dark black dots. My self esteem was shattered, especially with people constantly commenting and asking what I had done. I ended up diving into my make up collection to paint myself to look ‘flawless.’ Truth was I looked cakey and fake. But however much people told me this, I physically couldn’t walk outside with my bare face. I used to hate looking in the mirror and attempted all these quick fix products, which didn’t work and all the make up I was using simply made everything worse.

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For me the game changer came around last year when I started focusing more on drawing portraits and I drew famous people who I thought were absolutely stunning or who I had a massive crush on (Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Angelina Jolie etc.) I found that without the fine lines the big forehead, the spots and freckles – they didn’t look like them. It really made me think about how I viewed myself. I used to think that to be flawless meant having to cover every scar and line. What I didn’t realise was that in covering all of these, I was hiding all the features that defined me, and there’s no beauty in that.  It’s all about perspective and the only person looking at your skin 2 inches away is you. Even then, the fine lines, that scar, that freckle – that’s you, embrace it.

Make up is fine, I love it. We all have days we feel a bit down, want to look extra nice, or we just enjoy the way that mascara and highlight makes us feel confident. But this idea of using it to fix ourselves, that dependence on it to hide ourselves from the world – that I think needs re-assessing.

The picture above, was taken (thanks for Eternal Memories) when I still had scars on my face but I didn’t find the need to wear make up any more. It may not seem like much, but walking our of my house being comfortable with all the dozens of little spots around my face – that was a huge moment which only came after I made my little discovery that everyone has imperfections, even though this should just be common knowledge.

Now, when I’m feeling a little down or over critical about the way I look or those scars or discolourations on my face – I draw and remind myself that no-one is perfect, not even the big celebrities that get Oscars.


Actor: Leonardo Di Caprio

We are all beautiful and we forgot that the images on social media that we aspire to are not reality. They are not what people are like every day of every minute.

xo

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